


Tough

by nefarious_irusu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love/Hate, Men Crying, One Shot, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 15:39:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16043456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefarious_irusu/pseuds/nefarious_irusu
Summary: “I know it's tough, but you're tougher.”





	Tough

**Author's Note:**

> A self-indulgent fic in which Viktor gives Yuri the comfort I can't admit that I need.

“Is it getting bad again?”

There was no use lying to Viktor. He was the only person that Yuri trusted, though he would be quick to deny it if ever asked. Viktor, despite his careless show, had been there for Yuri when no one else had. He had seen Yuri at his worst, and never told a soul.

Yuri nodded mutely, staring down at his sneakers. It was only two o'clock, but he had already asked Yakov to go home, claiming that he felt sick. Viktor had followed him into the locker room, watching him unlace his skates with great interest.

“Talk to me?”

Viktor's voice was soft, pleading. Yuri stayed focused on his sneakers, not daring to look up. He had been riding the waves of a breakdown all day, and looking at Viktor would only make the climax of it come faster. He shook his head, gripping the edge of the bench they sat on.

“Are you a threat to yourself today, Yura?”

The words hung between them, sticking to every surface on the way and creating a thick fog. Yuri struggled to breathe inside it. He _was_ a threat to himself- and probably a danger to others. But Viktor was trusting him to be honest- something he had been since Viktor had found him bleeding out on the floor two years before. Yuri nodded before he could rethink the action.

“Okay,” Viktor soothed.

He moved closer to Yuri on the bench, reaching out to him. He quickly retracted his hand when Yuri flinched away, however. Yuri opened his mouth to explain that a comforting touch would make him break in public, and he couldn't do that- but Viktor was shushing him before he could utter a word.

“Give me a moment to change, and then we'll go to my apartment.”

Objections, fueled by the guilt of making Viktor miss practice, bubbled on his tongue. Yuri forced himself to swallow them down as Viktor unlaced his skates and threw them into his duffel bag.

“Okay, let's go.”

Yuri followed Viktor from the locker room, only hesitating once they stepped into the hall. “What about-"

“I'll text him later,” Viktor assured him, reading his mind. 

Yuri lowered his head as they reached the lobby, knowing that Viktor would get yelled at for leaving without telling Yakov. A “text later" wasn't going to cut it for their coach.

“It'll be okay,” Viktor murmured as they reached his car. He held open the passenger door for Yuri, closing it behind him.

The second Yuri hit the seat, he curled into himself. He let himself go the slightest bit, sinking into the seat and burying his face in his knees. They were going home. He just needed to keep it together for another five minutes, and then he could allow himself to break.

Yuri heard the engine start up not long after the driver's door had closed, and he sighed. His chest was aching, as were his limbs. His thoughts were beginning to race again, almost as bad as it had hit him when he was on the ice. He gripped his arms with his fingertips, hard enough that he felt his nails sinking into his skin.

“Yura.”

Yuri didn't answer; his throat was too tight.

“Yura, stay with me, okay?”

He could feel blood pooling underneath his fingers, but he didn't lessen the pressure of his fingers- he no longer seemed to have control of his phalanges. 

“We're almost home.”

Yuri let out a strangled whimper, embarrassed at the pathetic sound. “Viktor.”

“I'm here.”

“ _Viktor_.”

Yuri felt fingers in his hair as soon as the car slowed to a stop, and he let out a wet sob. Tears that had been gathering behind his eyes finally leaked out, trailing into the bloody crescents on his arms and making them sting with their saline.

“We're here,” Viktor whispered. “We just need to get upstairs.”

Yuri shook his head, trembling. “I can't.” Once the seal had broken, he knew there was no way he could stop the tears.

“You can, I'll help you.”

Yuri only gasped as another wet sob wracked his frame. Viktor moved his hand down to his back, rubbing circles between his shoulder blades. The thoughts in his mind began to consume him- _you're worthless, you're nothing._

“Viktor.” He couldn't utter anything else out; he was fixated on Viktor's name.

“I'm here,” Viktor assured him, moving his hand away. Yuri heard the click of his seatbelt. “I'll help you inside.”

Yuri felt hands on him again once his door opened, warm and gentle. Viktor helped to pull him out of himself, untangling his arms and frowning at the blood dripping down them. He sighed, running his fingers through Yuri's hair as more tears coursed down his cheeks.

“I'm sorry,” Yuri croaked. “I couldn't stop. I'm sorry.”

“Shh,” Viktor soothed him, kneeling down and pulling him into an embrace. “I know; it's alright.” He waited until the wave of shuddering sobs had passed before helping Yuri's arms to wrap around his neck. “Hold onto me, I'll take you upstairs.”

Normally, Yuri would be humiliated at the mere thought of being carried by Viktor. But right now, he was too weak to argue. He held onto Viktor tightly as he was lifted, burying his damp face in his neck. He smelled like evergreen and salt.

“I hate myself,” Yuri mumbled into his skin.

“Then I'll love you enough for the both of us.”

The lobby door closed behind them.

“I don't deserve this.”

Viktor reached out to call the elevator.

“You do. You deserve to be cared for.”

The elevator pinged as it arrived, the doors sliding open.

“I don't even deserve to live.”

The elevator hummed as they ascended.

Viktor rubbed his back, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “I need you here. So many people need you here.”

The elevator halted to a stop, the doors opening once more. Yuri was silent as he was carried down the hallway, clinging to Viktor like a vice. Viktor's keys jingled as he unlocked the door, and Yuri lifted his face in time to watch him kick it shut from behind.

“Here we are,” Viktor murmured, setting himself down on the couch so Yuri landed in his lap. “We're here, you made it.”

Yuri nodded, his chest twisting up. He buried his face back in Viktor's shoulder as fresh tears wet his cheeks, choking on a sob. “I didn't want to come to practice today,” Yuri began. “I didn't want to.”

“Tell me why.” Viktor resumed rubbing Yuri's back, his free hand brushing through his hair.

“I'm not good enough,” Yuri croaked. “Skating is all I have and… I'm not good enough.”

“You're an amazing skater, Yura.”

Yuri shook his head. “It isn't good enough. It's never good enough.”

Viktor didn't ask him to explain himself- he never did. He simply pressed a kiss to the top of Yuri's head and asked, “how long has this been building up for?”

Yuri sighed shakily, shrugging. “A few weeks, I guess.”

“Yura… why didn't you tell me?” He didn't sound disappointed- just concerned. Upset. He knew that if it had been building up for that long, Yuri had certainly been turning to unhealthy habits to curb his emotions.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered. “Sorry.”

Viktor hugged him closer, nuzzling into his hair. “No apologies. Thank you for letting me in, now.” They sat in silence for a few moments, only Yuri's soft sniffles filling the room. Finally, Viktor asked, “has anything else been going on? Other than your depression telling you untrue things?”

Yuri bit down on his lip, mumbling, “I'm lonely. After practice.” He shuffled in Viktor's lap, his face burning. “I go home and get lost in my head and… everything in there just takes over.”

Viktor breathed heavily in Yuri's ear, moving to lift his face up. He didn't speak until they made eye contact, as Viktor brushed away the remainder of the tears on Yuri's cheeks. “You can come to me. I know it's hard for you… but I'm always here.”

“I know.”

“I'm not a mind-reader. It's hard to tell with you, until you're already so deep inside yourself.”

“I know.” More tears dripped from his eyes, landing on Viktor's hand. He brushed them away effortlessly.

“You're going to get through this,” Viktor assured him.

“It's hard. It's too hard.”

Viktor shook his head. “I know it's tough, but you're tougher.”

Yuri managed a small smile, the familiar words resonating deep within him. Viktor always said that to him when everything became too much. “Shut up,” he muttered.

Viktor cracked a smile in return, pleased that Yuri was slowly coming back into his brash self. “It's just another wave you need to ride out. I know it's hard, but I will be with you to help you through it.”

Yuri nodded, placing his hand over the one Viktor still rested on his cheek. “I know.” He always was.

“Let me clean up your arms,” Viktor brushed his skin lightly, “and anything else you have done recently. And then we'll get takeout and put on a movie, okay?”

Yuri nodded, moving from Viktor's lap carefully. “Okay.”

“And Yura?” 

“Hmm?”

“We’ll talk some more, after. We'll try and find a way for you to come to me before it gets this bad, without feeling embarrassed, or like a burden.”

Yuri's heart swelled, and he twisted his hands in his lap. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Always, Yura.”


End file.
